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Apr 23 02 3:32 PM

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It is 6 pm at Club 101.  A little too early to open, but a small crowd of needy people have already gathered to drink and drown their sorrows.  Others are celebrating.
 
Carly Corinthos walks in the door, numb with shock.  She has just come from the penthouse of her ex and is still shaking a little with anger and pain.  The Tenant was in Bed with the Control Freak Landlord, she is thinking.   I am going to have to kill them.  I think I still had some of my favorite shoes under that bed.  OOOOH!  The sacrilege!
 
As Carly enters the bar, she is shocked at the sudden noise that erupts upon her entrance.  Half the crowd is laughing and saying, "Serves you right!"  The other half is crying and saying, "Poor Girl!" Carly knows they are BOTH partially right.
 
At the bar, Carly is surprised to see, however, an unlikely collection of drinkers, already deep in their cups.  So deep, they didn't bother to look up when she came in.
 
One is Liz Webber.  The second is Skye. The third is Kristina.  It is Kristina who is holding court.  And Courtney.  By the hair.  Courtney would ordinary be wearing a sulky expression on her face at having her tresses thus manhandled, but in this case, she is feeling no pain.  "I have to drink all this champagne," she reasons, "Before AJ gets to it."
 
"I mean," Kristina slurs, ignoring Courtney, "What IS IT with guys anyway.  Ten to one, Alexis ish rolling around on them black sheets now.  And she even betrayed Needy's-- I mean Nedly's confidensh.  She could have gotten AJ KILLED.  I mean, Shonny could be ordering a HIT right now.   But does Ned wash hish hands of her?"
 
"I'll take another hit," growls Liz, her head still on the bar, waving her empty glass at the interesting looking gent tending bar -- the one with more braids than Gia.
 
"NOOO," continues Krishtina, er Kristina.  "Needy doesh NOT wash hish handsh of Elexish.  He getsh all hot and bothered about her.  HOW COULD HE betray me with my own shister like that?  I mean, its practically INSECTS!"
 
Skye swats the air in front of her experimentally.  She is sober, of course, as a recovering alcoholic, but she still appears a little woozy.  She ate one too many croissants from France that morning and binged on a little too much Jax, and the sugar shock of being uncharacteristically sweet and well cared for is a little too much for her system. 
 
"I don't know what YOU are complaining about," Sky says caustically, "If it does not work out with Needy, at least you will be free of the Quartermaines. ME? I'm stuck for life.  And I tell you, with AJ drinking and not being able to get anyone to listen to me, well, what is a girl to do?  How many schemes and plans could YOU come up with to prove that your brother is drinking and that he has married your sister in law under false pretenses?"
 
Courtney's young brow wrinkles for a moment, and she tries to gather her scattered thoughts.  Something about what Skye just said seems wrong, probably something she should take offense at, but the champagne is too strong and she cannot figure it out.   "Hey," she says, more for form than anything else, "Don't think I don't know what is going on here.  I have a clue.  I have lots of clues."
 
Liz snorts inelegantly.  "Shutup," she says to Courtney, "I am tired of your whining.  I am tired of your blond hair.  Heck, I just met you, and I'm shick of you already."  Liz pauses for a moment.  Darn, she thinks, that felt good.  Just because it felt so good, she says it again,"Shut up.  Shut up. Shut up!"  Gleefully, she pulls herself up on the bar and begins to strut up and down.  "Ladies and Sistas, Shut up EVERYONE."
 
Carly is watching all this in amazement.  "What is going on here?" she asks the many braided gentleman tending bar.
 
"These sister ladies are waiting for the travel agent to arrive to bring them their tickets. They are fed up with their siblings and have decided to go away for a vacation."
 
Carly raises her voice so the sistas can hear her.  "Where are you all going?"
 
"Nevus mind!" shouts Liz down to her, and then collapses in a fit of giggles.  "Get it? Nevus mind!?"
 
"I don't get it," says Courtney.
 
"Yeah, we get it." says Kristina and Skye just shakes her head in disgust.
 
Carly says longingly, "I know we don't any of us actually get along or even like each other.  But I have nevus been to Nevus.  Are there really no siblings there?"
 
"None," says Skye.
 
"Can anyone go?" asks Carly wistfully, hoping someone will ask her.
 
"They have to have a shibling," says  Kristina.
warningly.  
 
"I have a sibling.  Lucas." says Carly.
 
"Well," says Liz, trying to be fair about it, but really not wanting Carly along.  "You can't just have a sibling  -- you have to have a gripe about your sibling.  They have to have done something TERRIBLE."
 
"Yeah," nods Courtney, but not to vigorously, since it would pull her hair, "Like MY brother wrecked my honeymoon and tried to throw my husband off a balcony."
 
"Right," says Liz, "And my sister was kissing my exboyfriend." 
 
Carly thinks hard, "I got it!" she cries, "My brother Lucas has done me wrong too!  He never ages, and this makes me look older by comparison!  I have to act twice as immature as I otherwise would want to, just to avoid seeming middle aged!"
 
Kristina gasps, "I'm SHO Shorry, Carly," she says, her tears brimming over with a new age sympatico river of tears (were the club silent, the trickle of the tears would create a soothing white background noise to lull the sistas), "I had no IDEA thingsh were that bad for you....."
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#4 [url]

Apr 23 02 8:59 PM

"waiiiiit!waiiiiit!waiiiit!" Liz slurs to Carly. Notch sho fasht, Mishus corinthussth - I'm notch sho shur you belong at nevuss, Lucash is jusht a kid. Itch jusht like yew to blame it awwl on a kid." 
 
Carly ponders this for a moment, but sensing a deep need to disappear for a few weeks,  says thoughtfully that Liz was right.  "But its because of her sister.." (pointing to Kristina) "and this sister.." (pointing to Courtney) that my whole world has dropped out from under me. I was born to a prostitute, given up for adoption to a childless woman and was robbed of the chance for a normal childhood, including a sister.  Maybe we could all bond together on this trip. Since none of us seems to have any female friends in this town, this could be a good thing for all us ...please?"
 
Stunned by the fact she actually said "please", they stared at her dumbfounded until.....

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#5 [url]

Apr 24 02 6:41 AM

.....Kristina, her sympathetic tears aflowing, begins to wail aloud.  Simulateneously, and giving vent to a score of frustrations, not the least of which is how hard it is to get her hair blown that straight everyday, and the most of which is the nasty letters she keeps getting to leave town from people claiming to belong to a web site called GHH , Kristina bends over her lap. 
 
Too much whine, Skye thinks to herself, but in fact Kristina's face is extremely pale -- pale enough to alarm even the snow white princesses Liz and Skye.  And Kristina's hair is now dragging the floor as she bends over, and the perfectly blunt ends are getting wet, as there is a damp puddle of salty tears on the floor at her feet.
 
"Carly," cries Kristina, "You are breaking my hard!  That is sho sho shad!  I thought I had it hard -- being an illegal Cashandime, and having been abandoned in a barn and being a witness to my mother getting stabbed -- or shumthin like it.  And you don't know the half of what I have been thru.  I have been in Italian prishons you know, and the accomodashuns were NOT what you might imagine!  And thersh more, I am shure, but let me tell you, I just can't remember what right now.  And you know what elsh?  I don't even know my own lasht name!"  Whereupon Krishtina continues to cry and wail, in part for Carly and largely for herself.
 
"Oh my EARS!" snaps Skye, not nearly sugared up enough to tolerate the noise.  "Just let her come!  If she does not behave, we can always LEAVE her there!"
 
Liz rolls her eyes very hard, and then pauses.  "Uh Oh," she says.
 
"Stuck?" asks Carly, understanding right away.  "My eyes once got stuck that way too.  It happens when you have been seeing things backwards for a long time.  Here, let me help."  And so saying Carly allows herself the satisfying sensation of slappin Liz hard enough on the back that the lithe nymph of Port Charles stumbles and pitches head first off the bar, landing on Courtney.
 
"Hey!" says Courtney, "I got this sheat firsht."
 
Liz rebounds to her feet quickly and there is a distinctive combative gleam in her eye as she turns to Carly, who is innocently twirling the ends of her hair.
 
"Oh cut that out," says Skye, of the hair twirling, "YOU are not known for hair twirling, that was the OLD YOU.  Just because you have mastered the hurt and murderous look, don't go thinking that hair twirling is gonna do it for ya."
 
"Oh," says Liz, dangerously calm, "Let her come.  I am sure that Carly will behave beautifully."
 
"Why thank you," says Carly, equally dangerous, "I can't wait to spend some quality time with all of you."
 
Meanwhile, as they as speaking, the travel agent arrives.  She is oddly dressed in a long trenchcoat and a man's fedora, with the collar drawn up so high that no one can see her face, and she persists in keeping her head down.  From the bottom of her long coat peeps out a flare of long flowery skirt, nearly sweeping her ankles.  She is clearly disguising her voice, as she hands out the tickets, miraculously having an extra one for Carly. 
 
"Have a wonderful trip," she says in a mock gruff voice, "Remember to be kind to each other, be fair.  And don't forget the suntan lotion.  Be careful out there -- it is hot."
 
As soon as she says HOT, Shirley and Thelma and Joynel and Annie rush into the club with fire extinguishers and fire hoses, shouting, "Where hot? No FLAMING!"
 
Topwop and cfbubbles, who are celebrating wildly in a far corner of the club turn around, and call out jubilantly, "HOT? FLAMING?  Hey, everyone, Alexis and Sonny are pulling up!"
 
Cassie turns from the group of mourners in the other corner of the club, and puts down her sign (which reads DOWN WITH SONOT) and snaps, "Shirley did NOT say Alexis and Sonny are pulling up!  She said NO FLAMING."
 
cfbubbles answers, "But where there is smoke there is fire."
 
"NO!" shouts Shirley, "NO FIRE!"
 
"Oh dear," says the travel agent, still trying to keep her head down, "I didn't mean.... I only said.... I ...."
 
Suddenly, the travel agent tumbles to the floor facedown, while the club stares silently at her in shock. In the quiet, while soapnet tries to decide which cheesy music to play for this scene, a distinct sound is heard to emerge from the tumble of trench coat.  It is a -- could it be? Yes. 
 
A snore.  
 
topwop and shirley exchange a knowing glance.  Annie and janeyre and cassie saunter over calmly and lift the fedora, revealing a sort of modified Meg Ryan growing out into an Alexis hair doo.
 
"Lightheart," says top, nudging lightheart with her finger, "Dalighted one? WHAT are you doing?" 

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#7 [url]

Apr 24 02 2:13 PM

lightheart,
 
yippee!  the Ha Ha's are back!! but maybe you need to explain how it works to get some of the newer GHH members involved. I know we must have some really creative people on board who would love to add (& be added) to the Ha Ha's.
 
scoutermom
(who's creatively challenged when it comes to writing but who knows good stories when she reads them)

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#8 [url]

Apr 24 02 2:58 PM

Lightheart says,
 

“I’m here to provide a Doctor Phil Wake Up Call." 

"All of you need to wake up and smell the Rose Hips Coffee!

No, it won’t make you see through rosy-retinas, but it will open your eyes really, really wide!"

Then Lightheart gives more advice –

 “Liz – stop your whining.  You’re a lucky girl – just think - you came back to Port Charles with bigger breasts!  Now shaddup!” 

“Krissy – you’ve been saved from a sexcapade with a man old enough to be your uncle – get over it.  I mean – think whadda happened if you’d reallllllly had to get over it. Know whadda I mean?” 

Suddenly there is the slap, slap, slapping of something that sounds like a forehead hitting a wooden table.

Everyone looks over at the table in the corner.  But they don’t see a forehead – they see a thatch of fur going up and down on the table – is that a big rat eating the food of the truly youthful and cosmopolitan elite of the eastern seaboard?

It’s a thatch of dark blackish brown hair they see – but they can’t identify the animal at first.

“Iz it a rat?” one of them asks?  At first it looks like a giant rat sitting on the table – but then the ladies see that stubborn chin that juts out like Jay Leno’s.

Liz says, “Hey, that rat’s got a chin like Leno’s.”

“Thatz Zhander,” says Carly.  “Heesh so cute” 

Zander lifts his head from the table.

“I got a cool poo,” Zander says.

 “Wanna see my cool poo?”

Liz wrinkles her nose – “He shez he’s got a cool poo. Ewwwwwww!

Phew on your cool poo. I don’t wanna know wha chu got – you nasty boy.” 

Kristina lifts her head – her long red hair has streamed out in front of her – the ends still  dripping wet from overturned beer and too many boozy tears – she looks like a jester from a medieval court –she’s only missing the bells on the ends of her hair -  but Krissy is a modern girl in her too tight pants that are making her cottage cheese butt squish all out of shape.

She starts singing in LaBelle fashion.


Hey Sister, Go Sister, Soul Sister, Go Sister (x2)
He met Marmalade down in Old New Orleans
Struttin' her stuff on the street
She said 'Hello,
hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?
'Mmm Hmmm Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da (?)
Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya

“Shaddup,” yells Liz – “I can’t stand to hear about the gitchi gitchi ya ya da da – that’s what Lucky wanted to do with my Sistah Sarah………………Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Krissy starts sashaying around the bar floor, swaying her hips in a pair of red, low and ugly hip hugger pants.  She won’t stop singing –


Here (?)
Mocca chocolata Ya Ya
Creole Lady Marmalade
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Stayed in her pool while
watch he crashing up
That boy drank all that night don't know why
Oh the last sight she went
he started to freak

Zander raises his head – “I am not a freek – I am not a freek – but I got a cool poo.  But I can get freeky if I have to – ask little lizzie over there – I got freeky with you with that date drug, didn’t I?” 

Kristina keeps singing – and now she’s holding her butt as she sings…she’s squishing each butt cheek into different shapes, like clowns do at a party.  She’s wearing really wide legged pants now.

Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da
Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Here
Mocca chocalata Ya Ya
Creole Lady Marmalade
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Heh, Heh, Hehhhh

Seeing her skin feeling silky smooth
Colour of cafe au lait
Made the savage beast inside
Roaring till it cried More, More, More

Krissy says, “Alexis is at Sonny’s right now,  crying, ‘more, more’!  Or is that  amore?  I dunno – one of the few things I dunno!” She sings some more….

Now he's at home doing 9 to 5
Living his brave life of lies
But when he turns off to sleep
All memories keep More, More, More
Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da Da
Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya here

“A cool poo – Hey, I’m the only cool one around thez parts,” Krissie says.

Zander strikes the floor under his chair  with something – it makes a sharp noise –

“I shez I got a cool poo.”

All the ladies jump back in their chairs! 

 What is under that table? 

Whatever he has sounds like thunder!   Does he have thunder between his thighs?

“What do you have under that table?”  Courtney asks.  “How big is your cool poo?  I wanna know cuz  I haf to hab what a girl wants.”

Zander rises from his chair and says, "YES!" 

I am Thor (I think) I am the God of Thunder!!! 

Lizzie says, “Courtknee – you don’t want what he’s got---lemme tell you what Emmmmilllleee told me about his cool poo.”

Courtney’s eyes bulge out-------Courtney says “I think thatz too mush infomashun for me. I just got married and had a moneyhoon and I didn’t get any cool poo.  Do you girls think that AJ’s got a cool poo?” 

“No way,” yells Kristina, but she only says that because she’s been listening to her big sistah go on about AJ – she says, “My sistah says that AJ has got an extension, uh, uh, he is an ex- ex – exa bit contortionist – uh, an extra long tortionist  - uh, – besides, he’s a worm.”

Carly looks up, “He’s a exhabitchionist?  Uh huhhhh- that’s me.   I’m the exhabitchionist – I earned that and nobody can take that away from me.  I earned that the hard way.”

Lightheart tries to calm Carly down.  “No, you came by it naturally, but that’s okay, my sister sledge of a hammer.  Natural is good.”

Kristina yells, “Ebee thing I got is natchural. Ebee thing.”

Carly yells out, “You liar – you are lying down to your fake red roots.”

Zander raises his head again – “Roots? I want roots.  They told me they wuz givin me some roots when I came on this show but they lied too.  No roots.  I got no roots.  I got no sistah – but I got a cool poo.”

Zander’s head drops to the table and it sounds like a watermelon being cracked open with a big butcher knife.  Whoosh! 

“I want roots.  I want Luke roots,” Zander cries.

Carly yells, “NOOOOOOOO! Baby! That would make me related to you and then I couldn’t have any of your cool poo.”

Zander raises his head again and says, “Why do you want my cool poo back – you gave it to me – ‘member?”

 “Member?   Member?”  says Courtney.  “I’m getting confuuzed here.   Is it called a member or a cool poo? I need to know cuz I haven’t had my moneyhoon yet!”

“Carly, Carly!” Zander cries in his beer.

“This afternoon, I just 'membered -  you made me crack my cool poo in two!”

“Now it’s gone – I don’t have my cool poo, no more!”

Zander reaches under the table and takes the two broken pieces of his formerly beloved pool cue, drops his head and cries  some more.

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#12 [url]

Jan 13 03 4:42 AM

I'm not sure this should go here, but here it is. I would like to say HA HA to Elizabeth . How many times did she think she could dump Jason and he would sit around and wait on her. HA HA :)

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#15 [url]

Jan 13 03 9:22 AM

a brief history of the HaHa Sisterhood - for those poor unfortunates who have yet to discover the hilarity of these threads  
 
first of all, you must remember that everything in this thread is meant to be taken tongue in cheek - it is all for fun & is all about friendship
 
okay, here goes: Once upon a time, many, many members ago, the GHH community was small enough that we could play more (I think we were in the 300 member range when the HaHa's started) without having to worry so much about hurting other member's feelings. Some of our more brilliant members came up with the idea of writing stories about GH but adding GHH members into the mix. The name Ha Ha's came from a take off of the Ya Ya Sisterhood book (now also a movie).  These stories were all intended for entertainment purposes only and are as much a part of GHH as our fabulous WW (worry warriers) and our monthly celebrations of the Day of the Nines.
 
What happens with a Ha Ha story is that someone posts the first part but then leaves the plot dangling at the end of their post.  Hopefully another member will then add to the story but then also leaves the plot dangling for the next person to jump in and add their post.  And then the story would go back and forth between a group of writers.  Usually the Ha Ha's take some sort of trip or jump into some event that's happening in Port Charles and then the fun comes when the GHH members interact with the GH characters.  Even though we were allowed a little bit of what might now be thought of as bashing, the Ha Ha's were always taken in the manner in which they were written - JUST FOR FUN!! GHH members got "picked on" in the stories as much as GH characters do.
 
BTW,the stories are probably best appreciated by those that don't take GH quite so seriously.

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